Thursday, 4 December 2008

It might just work

Dear Oxfam

I've been looking at your website, with the gift ideas for animal lovers. Now don't worry, I'm not one of those people who thinks that for £95 I get to keep my own camel. I'm well aware that it goes towards someone far more needy.

It goes like this; I pay £95, you use the money to provide a camel to someone in a developing country. Preferably someone who wants a camel, of course. You're a respectable organisation, after all. I can't see you pushing ungulates on unsuspecting rice-farmers.

No, I know that I don't get to keep the camel. I couldn't put one in my garden, for starters. I mean, what about the smell? I guess the camel wouldn't mind.

That's just my little joke.

Anyway, I'm sure you've heard there's a recession going on. I know the people who you deal with are normally at the other end of the financial scale. After all, your clients can't exactly cancel their Sky subscription when the crop fails.

But the ones here, in what we call, with no sense of irony, 'the developed world', might have a bit of a problem with shelling out £95 on a camel. Or even two ponies for a donkey. So I wonder if you should think about broadening your product range a bit? Going for the budget market.

Hamsters.

No, don't screw this letter up. Bear with me. Hamsters cost, what, a few quid each? You could knock them out at a fiver a piece. Mom and dad get to solve junior's constant whining, teach them a story about the beauty of giving, and someone several thousand miles away gets to have an addition to their livestock.

Of course, your typical hamster is no use as a beast of burden. I know that. Even the Siberian hamster will struggle to carry more than a gallon of water from the pump. But have you considered the energy generation angle?

At night, your clients just pop their Oxfam-provided hamster onto its wheel and get it going. Hook up a generator and hey presto - instant, effortless, carbon-free electricity! OK, I accept that a single hamster isn't going to give the village much in the way of power - maybe a 60watt bulb at a time. But bear with me. You need to realise of the power of networking.

Imagine, if you will, a hundred, no, wait, a thousand hamsters, all in their wheels merrily providing all their owners' night-time energy needs. I can't help smiling when I imagine it. I suspect you're picturing it right now, and a grin is playing across your features, isn't it?

I don't blame you. It's a beautiful image. Hamsters are the future.

And when they get too old to generate electricity, they're apparently quite nice baked in a shortcrust pastry.

3 comments:

City Girl said...

You frighten me sometimes, do you know that?

The way your mind works is astonishing.

Le laquet said...

Wouldn't you be worrying about them being spit roasted after a little fattening?!?

Dory said...

*looking far into the distance and grinning dreamily about 1000 hamsters*

Dory

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