Friday, 8 August 2008

From the sublime to the cor-blimey

I was watching the opening ceremony for the Beijing Olympics this afternoon. Well, I say "watching". At certain points I was just sat there. Agape. And it's not every day I get to use that word.

Let me use it again, it might be a while before it gets another airing.

Agape.



There was everything. Drummers. Thousands of them, in spooky synchronisation. Eight-thousand years of history, the Confucian past, the dynastic generations. Ancient scrolls and symbolism. Calligraphy and Communism. Terracotta warriors and jiggly girls in white knee-socks. (Something for everyone, there). A giant globe with vertical wire-walkers. Taikonauts. And the fireworks. Always the fireworks. OK, chaps, we get the point. You invented gunpowder. No need to rub it in.

Essentially it was a frenetic mix of theatre and spectacle. And as mad as a badger.

If I'm frank, I'll probably avoid the rest of the Olympics from here onwards, sport (or physical exertion generally) not exactly being my bag. But I can imagine billions of people enjoyed the show.

With one exception.

Could you imagine being the person with the responsibility of designing the London 2012 opening ceremony now? Basically, you've just been told to get cracking. And knowing the great British media's schizophrenic approach to criticism ("that was crap"/"look at the money you're wasting"), he's not exactly on solid ground.

What can he do that will talk about Britain? This royal throne of kings, this sceptered isle, this earth of majesty, this seat of Mars, this other Eden. What can he put on, that speaks clearly to the global audience about the indomitable spirit, the bulldog courage, the chippy enthusiasm, this home of wit and wisdom?

Step forward, Chas & Dave.

6 comments:

Kate said...

Hurrah for Chas 'n' Dave!

I'm thinking: Routemaster; Pearly Kings and Queens; Henry VIII; cricket; rain; stiff upper lips; bowler hats; cream teas; castles; and queuing...

City Girl said...

Half a dozen times while watching the spectacle (another word you can't often use without completely exaggerating) I looked at hubster and said, "Poor London."

I'm sure the man in charge over there will work miracles - MIRACLES - creating interpretive dances around cucumber sandwiches and Wellies.

Poor London.

Gorilla Bananas said...

How about a page 3 girl? There is nothing so British as an enormous pair of boobies. Perhaps have a tattoo of Shakespeare on each one to emphasize the rich cultural heritage.

Rebecca said...

How are you guys going to top Friday night?

Country Girl said...

This morning's news? The fireworks footsteps...computer simulations. The little girl who sang the opening anthem? Airbrushed, to straighten her teeth and make her appear more "diminutive."
Is nothing sacred?

fatboyfat said...

Indeed. I now see how London will manage it. CGI and lip-syncing.

Although I'm ever-so-slightly upset that Chas & Dave aren't going to be involved.

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