Perhaps "Knock On Wood" would have been appropriate?

The other day I was in the passenger seat as my boss drove us around the Warwickshire looking for a suitable conference venue.

I'm a nervous passenger at the best of times, continually doing that 'finding a brake pedal in the footwell' thing. But with Richard at the wheel, the discomfort is magnified somewhat. Don't get me wrong, he's a perfectly safe driver. But he only knows two speeds; stationary and warp.

After visiting a couple of less-than-satisfactory places ("Oh yes, I'm sure we could get 150 people in here. They don't need to be able to breathe, do they?") we made a detour and dropped in on a hotel on-spec. To be greeted by a vision.

The carpark was rammed, filled with line after line of gleaming, black hearses. Of all sorts - from coachbuilt Bentleys to mundane Mondeos. And they were all open - the business end of each one ready to receive its cargo.

I'll be honest. It wasn't the most welcoming thing I've ever seen.

"Bloody hell," muttered Richard as we took it all in, "has there been a plane crash or something?"

It turned out that the hotel was hosting a convention for undertakers, funeral arrangers and allied trades. It's one of those things that never occurs to you, but even in this line of business you need to network. As I walked past a row of eco-coffins (basically the largest wicker baskets I'd ever seen) it all made sense. Gurney manufacturers have to get the word out, I suppose. And maybe in the evening, when you've talked about brass casket handles all day, perhaps you'd want to let your hair down? Even morticians might like to cut a rug once in a while, surely? Quickly we formed our own setlist for that night's disco (from where I got this post's headline).

And as we were leaving, we saw the following - a title for one of the group discussions the attendees were having later that day:

"Creating a better society".

I can't help thinking they're missing the letter 'm' from the first word.....