The call of the wild

One of the less well-known impacts of the digital revolution is its affect on wild animals.

In the past, creatures used every method at their disposal to communicate with each other. Furry thing would speak unto furry thing, using a collection of calls, hoots, grunts and squeaks. A litany of gestures, dances and expressions would be sufficient to pass on all emotion.

But not now. Just like their human counterparts, animals are finding it impossible to resist the lure of the mobile phone.

Hard to believe, I know. But true.

It started with the big cats. It's just too much trouble to co-ordinate a pride of lions when hunting for prey. Especially in the long grass. Need your brother to edge up on the left hand flank of that herd of antelope? No problem - flip open the trusty Nokia: "Oi, Barry! Pick it up, sunshine, that one's limping over there. You think you can be trusted not to balls this one up? Oh, and save a bit of the neck for mother, will you, or we'll never hear the end of it."

Some species started to have issues with calling while running, however. Even the fastest cheetah was somewhat hamstrung, having to zone in on an ibex while using three legs, desperately trying to pick up his voicemail.

The solution? Bluetooth earpieces, of course. Not a great option for your average elephant, I'll grant you, but the cats get along just fine.

The primates took to it all naturally. Apart from some of the gorillas. But as soon as someone set up caller ID and taught the silverback the art of call filtering, all was well. Nothing worse than those call plan spam calls when you've got a whole bunch of other stuff to do. That fur doesn't groom itself, does it?

Down at the watering hole, the inhabitants have learnt the art of texting. Mind you, they're not exactly adding to the sum of reptilian knowledge. It's all "CUL8R alligator", but it's a start.

And on the African veldt, the bison can be heard as they trundle along under the baking sun: "I'm on the plain!"