Wednesday, 18 February 2009

Random is as random does

By all accounts, the latest big thing (coming hard on the heels of the previous latest big thing and about 20 seconds before the next big thing) is 25 Random Facts. It goes like this:
  • Come up with 25 random facts about yourself that no-one else knows;
  • Post them on your blog, Facebook notes, MySpace page or other Web 2.0 portal of choice;
  • Wonder why no-one in what we shall call the 'virtual world' has made any comment whatsoever;
  • Wonder why everyone in what we shall call the 'real world' is giving you a wide berth;
  • Pass the fun on!
Part of me is with the good folks at about this one. After all, surely I can come up with something more interesting for my readers than 25 trivial snippets? Surely, this part of me thinks, there is some aspect of the human condition that I should be hunting down, placing a glass over and dissecting with finely-wrought prose?

The other part of me thinks, "Sod it, I've not posted anything in days," and has the laptop.
  1. I was born exactly nine months after the moon landings. I should be grateful I wasn't christened 'Buzz'. Although the name 'Apollo' would perhaps have led me to a lucrative career as an exotic dancer.
  2. My real name is spelled unconventionally because my dad, when registering my birth, asked the registrar if there was a charge for extra letters.
  3. Seemingly for months at a time I appear to be afflicted with a singular blocked nostril. Perhaps I'm evolving the skill to breathe round corners.
  4. I'm not allergic to peanuts, but I am inexplicably scared of them.
  5. And spiders bring me out in hives.
  6. I have a mental block which means I often get the words 'umbrella' and 'envelope' mixed up. This causes issues at the Post Office, especially when it's raining.
  7. I don't think I have any celebrity lookalikes. Although some people think it's amusing to claim I look like Chris Moyles.
  8. Or that bloke out of the Mavericks.
  9. I've never grown a beard, which makes (7) and (8) all the more bizarre.
  10. When I was 10, a woman driving a Triumph Toledo knocked me off my Raleigh Chopper on a pelican crossing. I've decided this is the most 1970s accident it's possible to have without a wah-wah pedal being involved. Perhaps I should have been wearing a tanktop and carrying a packet of Spangles?
  11. I still can't hear the word 'phenomenon' without humming "MahNaMahNa" quietly to myself.
  12. And if anyone starts a sentence with "I believe...", I find myself adding "...that children are our future."
  13. You know all that weight I lost, back in 2007? I haven't checked properly, but my waistband tells me that some of those pounds have crept back. And invited a few mates, too.
  14. I was a teenage hooker. How much more interesting would this list be, if I didn't add that 'hooker' is a rugby position?
  15. Brandon Flowers might ask: "Are we human, or are we dancers?" I fall heavily into the former category.
  16. September 3rd 2004: the last day I drove the 25 miles to work without having to question another driver's mental capacity.
  17. There's an alternative universe where I write chick-lit under the pen-name Marcella De La Rue. Probably best that it stays there. Marcella isn't that accomplished.
  18. My body chemistry is mainly carbon, but with a higher-than-average pie quotient.
  19. I am officially the Worst Motorbike Pillion Passenger of the 20th Century. There is a lamp-post in Liverpool that will forever be a part of me.
  20. I'm not even certain what constitutes a good hair day.
  21. There are spineless creatures in the inky black depths of the ocean that are better at DIY than me. Seriously. I walk through the door with a new power tool and Katie is making hotel reservations.
  22. I once nearly crashed a small helicopter into Milton Keynes.
  23. I contain scenes of fantasy violence. Or am I confusing myself with 'The Golden Compass'?
  24. Until recently, I was unaware it was even possible to put the lid back on a half-empty tube of Pringles.
  25. Always leave your audience wanting more, I believe.

1 comment:

Le laquet said...

I can ditto number 11 but when I was knocked over it must have been the 80s because I was wearing a duffle coat and was doing my paper roound.


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