Don't worry, I've not gone all Daily Mail on you. I'm talking about the Ministry of Defence's announcement that they were shutting down their UFO unit. Which sounds dramatic, although to be fair it was probably some bloke sitting at a desk in a broom cupboard in an office in the Ministry building. He must have been sick and tired of all the guys referring to him as 'Fox' at the watercooler, so it was probably a merciful release.
The MoD have explained their decision, saying:
The Ministry has no opinion on the existence or otherwise of extra-terrestrial life. In over 50 years, no UFO report has revealed any evidence of a potential threat to the United Kingdom.That's easy for them to say. Have they never seen Independence Day? First it starts with big saucers floating over the cities, then before you know it there's laser beams, force fields and destruction everywhere. If it happens in a town centre on a Saturday evening we'll not notice the difference for a while, but you get the idea.
Before we know it we'll be overrun. Assuming there are legs involved. I mean, our latest visitors may have eschewed legs in favour of some other form of locomotion. Maybe we'll be overbounced. Or overslimed. Who's to say?
Mind you, who's to say the aliens would even want to come to Britain? They're used to their own environment, surely? Living under leaden grey skies, at extremes of temperature. Consuming weird food and using unintelligible methods of communication.
I can't even be bothered with the punchline. Make it up for yourselves.