"You've written about the cake production," said Katie, "you've even written about utensil delivery. You can't not write about the wedding itself."
These words were delivered to me with a finality that was non-negotiable.
"Have you read my blog?" I countered desperately. "I try, more or less, to find something comedic in everyday life. I am wry. Everything was perfect yesterday - there was nothing I could poke fun at."
"Well, how about the setting up of the cakes we had to do ourselves? 140-odd cupcakes, delivered to the venue first thing and set up in a vaguely artistic way. Quite a job, that was."
"I think people are getting cupcake fatigue, Katie. I know I am."
"Well, OK then, how about the ceremony? Two people, pledging their lives to each other, making a life-long commitment..."
"Well, yes, I could do that. But it would be a little worthy, a little 'Last Two Minutes of an American Sitcom', wouldn't it? How about something about how sickeningly great they looked?"
"Well, you might get away with that, I suppose. But they'd look good in sackcloth, so that's not telling your readers anything."
"How about the reception? A fabulous hotel, a marquee, superb food, great company...?"
"It was indeed a great afternoon. Thing is, the amount wine that was flowing means I can't quite recall every detail. Hang on, though, wasn't there some entertainment?"
"The table magician and the fire-juggler? Yes."
"Outstanding. We made do with Paul's mobile disco for our wedding, if I remember correctly. There was quite a lot of Spandau Ballet. Possibly even Jive Bunny. It tends to suffer by comparison."
"So you see," Katie said, an exasperated look on her face, "there's plenty to write about."
"But I don't know where to start."
"OK, I tell you what. Just transcribe the conversation we've just had. Put some pics on. Then something heartfelt to finish."
"Yeah, something like how we've been married for 12 years and we're still finding out things about each other now. How they're about to embark on the biggest and best journey of their lives, and how they should just sit back and enjoy the ride."
"Oh yes, people lap that sort of thing up, you know."
"And you think I can make a meaningful blog post out of all that?"
"The important thing is that Matt and Kate read your blog. Get your laptop out."
I know my place. That's married life. And if you're reading this, Matt, you can have that one for free.