Sunday, 31 January 2010

At long last, a film review

Last week we went to see Avatar, so I'd like to give you all the benefit of my opinion and write a review for you all that encapsulates the piece.

It was long. Very long.

Sorry, what we're you expecting, Mark Kermode?

We'd finished a Cineworld large popcorn as the end credits rolled down - and that never happens normally. When we saw Frost/Nixon last year we'd left at least a third of the box for the cinema to recycle for the next screening throw away responsibly. So my empty box told me Avatar was long. At least two inches of popcorn longer.

I'd like to say something deeply prophetic about the 3d technology - either in favour or against - so that in 40 years time, when I've been proven completely wrong, people can regard my words and laugh. Like they do with that chap from IBM who said in the 1950's that there would be four computers in the world by the 21st century. But there was another aspect that I wanted to talk about instead.

They'd given us these smoked glasses for the 3d, blocky black plastic affairs. Actually, we paid 80p each for them, so when the message flashed on screen reminding us to hand them back in afterwards, a ripple of "Bugger that for a game of soldiers" went around the auditorium. Technically there is still a recession on, don't you know.

Another observation. About a third of the way through the film, when we were being enthralled by the Yes album cover where most of the action seems to take place, I had the overriding need to go to the toilet. Snigger if you will, youngsters, but I'm 40 this year and therefore have a bladder with the capacity of an eggcup.

Trying to judge when there was going to be a pause in the unremitting blue person on blue person action, I removed my glasses, got up from seat and looked at the ranks of cinema-goers behind me.

And paused.

It looked for all the world as if I was being stalked by 200 Roy Orbisons. Quite possibly the most spectacular thing I'd seen all day.

I'm not sure if that was James Cameron's intention, by the way.


Dory said...

And you didn't take a picture of all the Roys staring back at you?!

fatboyfat said...

Damn - wish I'd have thought of it then!


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