We need to be better organised, Katie and me. To see the events of the year approaching so we can plan for them, rather than jumping up like surprised rodents at the onset of a friend's birthday or outing.
Well, I say 'we'. I think, dear reader, that we can dispense with the formalities. Let's face it, Katie has the memory of a high-performing Aspergers sufferer. I, however, spend many of my waking hours with an expression of surprise etched on my features.
"What? We're seeing so-and-so this weekend? When was that arranged?"
"You know about this."
"And this night out after work?"
"Seriously. I told you about this three times."
And so it was ordained that we would have a calendar. Actually, Katie saw one with sock monkeys on it and thought it would make a jolly addition to our daily lives. In the long, chocolate-filled days after Christmas she filled the thing with birthdays, nights out, high days and holidays. I looked through it with a sense of despair.
"Seriously?" I said. I may have lifted an eyebrow in a manner I hoped was alluring. "2011 has to be cancelled. We just don't have the time to enjoy it."
"And this is just what I can remember. There's sure to be more as the year progresses."
Clearly the eyebrow had been wasted on her. I'm beginning to think I'll never play James Bond.
The first few days of 2011 were navigated without too many dramas. We removed the Christmas tree (celebrating the festival of St Eustace of the Much Larger Living Room) and got ourselves back out of the habit of drinking in the daytime. Katie suggested that perhaps I ought to hang the calendar on the wall in the kitchen.
This would involve creating a hole and inserting a hook. I wasn't sure if this was wise.
"Are you sure?" I asked. Previous encounters with DIY have left us wondering if we can section off parts of the house with that tape the police use for crime scenes.
"Well, there's no point in having a calendar if we can't see it. That's pretty much the point, don't you agree?"
I reviewed the calendar.
"Ah, no, hang on a minute. I can't do this."
"Well, nowhere on this calendar is there an entry that says 'Put up calendar'. You can't mess with the pre-ordained, Katie."
I got a look.
"I'll get the picture hooks."