It's all going down in the garden

I always imagined that the flowers led quiet lives - just sitting there, doing that twisting around to face the sun thing and generally annoying the bejesus out of hayfever sufferers. But no. It appears that the beds are hopping. Herbaceous happenings border on the obscene. According to recent research, flowers even wave at passing insects to get their loving attention.

Of course, you can't believe everything you read, especially on the Internet. So I thought I'd do a little research, to understand the truth. And get some answers, right from the horse's mouth, so to speak. Luckily we're blessed with some very candid camelias, talkative tulips and mouthy marigolds around here. The roses are a little standoffish, to be honest, and the poppies just too giggly. But I was amazed at what I learned.

The honeysuckles are the worst. They're anyone's for a bit of bee action. And by all accounts, not too fussy, either. "They're no better than they ought to be," said a chrysanthemum, all prissy in its terracotta pot. The poor erysimum barely get a look in, but I suppose you should expect that from wallflowers.

It's made no easier by the bees themselves - the insects these days show no respect. It's all "Buzz buzz, thank you ma'am. Or sir. Or ma'am/sir depending upon your hermaphrodite tendencies," with no wiping of the feet before or afterwards. Or, for that matter, during. Which is missing the point, surely.

The poor geraniums don't stand a chance - most of them still have identity issues and can be heard muttering, "Geranium, pelargonium, geranium, pelargonium..." over and over again, each one the horticultural equivalent of Raymond Babbit.

And as for the Busy Lizzies, they're not exactly backward when it comes to being forward, either. Still, impatiens is as impatiens does.


(Normal service will be resumed once the sunstroke wears off).