Katie is out tonight and I'm here all alone, just me and a laptop with unbridled internet access.
Now stop it. There's no call for that kind of thinking.
Katie is on a mercy mission, involving sausage sandwiches and home-made chocolate cake. The sausage sandwiches, huge great big doorstep jobbies, are simply an addition; they're not strictly necessary (and being, in this case, free of sauce, rather invalid as far as I'm concerned, sausage sandwiches normally acting merely as a base for significant volumes of HP sauce). The main purpose of her mission is indeed chocolate cake delivery. And the consumption of same.
I suspect tea might be involved, too. It's that sort of mission.
I have a theory that chocolate cake could be used to solve all ills*. Especially the sort of cake made with the dark, plain stuff, with thick, gooey icing and decorated with white chocolate blobs. Really serious quantities of chocolate, in fact. Rich. Comforting. Surely nothing can be that bad if you've got chocolate cake to hand?
Where there are disagreements, conflict, people failing to see each other's point of view, it has a place. People could be close to warfare - surely getting them to try some chocolate cake can only help? Think about what it could do for the Middle East ("Levi? Ishmail? You two - put the M16s and rocket launchers down, come over here and try this. Now isn't that better? Sausage sandwich, anyone? Oh, I see...")
In times of uncertainty, it has a job to do. Financial markets might tumble. Politicians may range from the venal to the dictatorial. There could be rioting on the streets, industrial unrest and the symptoms of societal breakdown. Reruns of 'My Family'. Those who talk earnestly of the need for cohesion must know that chocolate cake has a part to play.
When disaster strikes, chocolate cake should be there. Hurricanes, earthquakes, floods. Fire and brimstone coming down from the sky, rivers and seas boiling. Forty years of darkness, the dead rising from the grave. Cats and dogs living together as man and wife. Never mind bottled water and blankets, we should be airlifting in Katie's chocolate cake. No matter what the junta says.
Because pain and strife are transitory, temporary. But there'll always be cake.
*(OK, maybe not diabetes. I'll give you that one).