The North Pole was experiencing chaos this weekend as it struggled to cope under unseasonably British weather.
Wave after wave of nondescript meteorological conditions are battering the region, from Baffin Bay to Finland. "We're not entirely sure what's causing it," said Bernard Derriere, a leading Canadian climatologist, "but it's weird. I've never seen drizzle like it before."
There are concerns that the native indigenous population might be adversely affected. "Yes, it is true that my people have sixty-three words for snow," commented Albert Grimes, an Inuit elder. "However, up until now we hadn't really needed any terms for endless monotonous grey sky. What's that all about?"
At least the people can adapt. "This is pissing me off something chronic," muttered Colin, 12, a Polar Bear. "I'm stuck on this ice flow, every time I sit down to have something to eat a mild breeze kicks up and it gets a little-nippy-but-not-quite-so-nippy-for-a-coat. And to cap it all, my family have naffed off somewhere else."
"I'm pretty sure Mom's gone to Iceland."
Explorers are having to change their plans, it is rumoured, with the traditional thermal fleeces and snow boots being ditched in favour of sensible tweed jackets and wellies. Lord Montague Knee, noted Arctic specialist, commented: "Huskies don't operate very well in light mist. We're currently training up whippets, but it's just not the same."
Perhaps our final word should come from another member of the animal kingdom. "You think you've got problems," said Jeremy, a clearly distressed Emperor Penguin. "This has thrown me right out. I think I might be a little lost."