Make Lard History's Massachusetts correspondent (oh, alright then, my cousin-in-law from Salem) has provided me with some very disturbing news. Steel yourselves, ladies and gentlemen, for this is a biggie. Hold onto your emotions and, where necessary, undergarments. I don't know how life can ever be the same again.
Serious Eats people (and you know what you're getting with a website labouring under such a name), bacon has for the first time been overtaken by cupcakes in terms of searches on Google.
I know. For many years the opposing camps have fought bitterly. We remember the Great Frosting Campaign of 2006. We watched in growing astonishment as the Apple Smoked Fightback rumbled on throughout the latter part of the decade. However it seems to have been one desperate rearguard action too late. For now it seems as if the porky product movement has finally succumbed to disciples of the Magnolia Bakery.
Of course, in this house we're no strangers to both. Indeed, we have our somewhat pudgy feet in both calorific camps. She Who Must Be Obeyed has made the odd cupcake in the past. And it's fair to say that we are ardent followers of pretty much anything that can be done with cooked pig flesh. We have a bag of pork scratchings on the kitchen worktop at the moment, for instance. They look for all the world like a giant's toenail clippings. There's a warning on the pack: "Do not attempt to eat contents unless you have strong teeth."
I realise I'm not exactly selling this to you, but I offer no apologies.
So can't we put our differences to one side? Can't we all come together - sweet and savoury - in this, the season of conspicuous over-consumption?
Oh. Wait a minute.
I am really behind the curve on this one.