Monday, 30 November 2009


Everything has to end sometimes. That's the way things are.

As far as the ancient Mayans were concerned, the end of life as we know it on planet Earth is December 21st, 2012. That's a Friday, in case you'd made plans for that weekend. Although there is another theory that the end will actually happen two days later, on the 23rd. For those of us who never have anything to do on a Sunday afternoon, this will clearly be a godsend.

One of these two dates is supposed to represent the end of the 5,125 year Mayan Long Count Calendar, which may be associated with all manner of worldwide catastrophe, we are told. There's even a movie about it, although in the best Hollywood tradition, I'm sure the wholesome family with the cute Labrador will probably survive intact.

The Mayans have some previous form when it comes to prophecy, accurately foretelling such events as the end of World War 1, Hitler's rise to power, the 2004 Indian Ocean Tsunami and the inexplicable popularity of Simon Cowell.

So what apocalyptic events can we look forward to if they're right? There is talk of mega-tsunamis engulfing whole countries, the poles shifting and throwing the Earth's crust off like a blanket in summertime, solar radiation bombardment and even a collision with an as-yet unknown mystery planet.

This may affect house prices.

Looking on the bright side, it means I really need to stop stressing about my credit card balance. The good people at HSBC are going to be too distracted to worry about my minimum payment if Planet X hoves into view and takes a sizeable slug out of the upper atmosphere before vapourising much of Western Europe.

And there's another advantage. My boss always asks me, in performance appraisals, where I see myself in five years' time. I can never answer this question. But now I can say something like: "In five years time I will be a loose collection of pulverised remains, possibly under several hundred feet of water. In terms of exact location I will be entombed in what's left of a German mid-sized hatchback car, an office block or a semi-detached house. Depending upon the timing."

Everyone's a winner.


This is the last of my posts for NaBloPoMo November - 30 blog posts in 30 days. This is the third year I've done this and I hope you've enjoyed reading. I'd like to thank all of you for visiting and commenting. I'd also like to thank Katie for not slapping me when I had any of my numerous stupid writer hissy fits throughout the month.

If you started reading Make Lard History recently, please stick around. Like almost everything in life, it's much more fun when there's more than one person involved in the process. Ahem.

There are some things coming up I'd like you to know about. First, I'm taking part in the Great Interview Experiment once more. And second, I have a Big Announcement to make.

To find out more, keep reading in December.


City Girl said...


Le laquet said...

Well done you! :o)

emma said...

yeah cool, I liked. Mean effort posting pre-7am, too. Sick.


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