Oh. My. God.
That's me told, then. I knew I was more than a little lardy. That this whole losing weight malarkey was long overdue.
But then I dusted off the scales and stood on them.
Take a look:
Your eyes aren't deceiving you - that's 17 stone and 13 pounds. Just shy of 18 stone! That's a whole lot of pies, then.
Katie (who was annoyingly lively this morning) was there to witness this momentous event - she'll be my official referee in all of this.
Keep tuned for updates, folks...