The Hum

We first noticed it as we were getting into bed the other day. A low-pitched, steady hum.

"What's that?" Katie asked.

"It's a low-pitched, steady hum," I replied, having already seen the script.

I got a look.

"It's really annoying. Have we got anything switched on?"

"Don't think so. The heating's not on. Everything's switched off, I think."

Katie sat up. "I don't like it. I'm going to check." She got out of bed and went downstairs.

"What are you doing?" I called after her.

"Checking the microwave oven's switched off," came a muffled voice from the kitchen.

"Why? Do poltergeists like popcorn or something?"

Then a thought occured. "Is it the cat?"

"No, you're getting mixed up. Purring, that's what cats do. Purr. Hum. Not the same thing."

I remembered that we'd do this thing at school to drive supply teachers over the edge. We'd sit in class, and random pupils would make a humming noise just on the edge of audibility. They'd never be able to pin it down to one person. I mentioned this to Katie.

"So you think the cat's trying mindgames on us? What next, will he mess around with the settings on a bunsen burner? Don't be a pillock. Anyway, this hum is still going on. I can hear it through the walls." She had her ear up against the party wall.

"You know, I don't think the neighbours will take too kindly to your asking them if they're humming late at night."

"It might make things a little tense, yes. Anyway, it's not them." She was right, the hum was all-pervasive. "This is going to make sleep a bit of a challenge."

I laid my head on my pillow and tried not to think of overheating electrical circuits, ruptured gas mains or CIA mind control signals. Funnily enough, this did indeed make restful sleep a little tricky.

Nevertheless I must have drifted off. I couldn't hear the hum this morning. For all we know it might still be going on and we've just become numb to it. We sould be the subjects of an experiment. At any time I could just flip out and start acting all random.

Spiral Sir Anthony, your overcoat is like a potassium submarine!

I'm just playing with you now.