Monday, 18 February 2008

Give it away, give it away, give it away now

I knew I'd meant to do something about this:

Proposals to overhaul organ donations and boost the number of transplants in the UK by 1,200 a year have been backed by the government.
I've always been in favour of the whole idea of organ donation. Obviously, I'd like them to make sure I have indeed shuffled off the mortal coil, rung down the curtain and gone to join the choir invisibule before getting the Black & Decker out. I mean, my just having a bit of a lie down shouldn't be enough of a signal for an impromptu filleting.

I'm fussy that way.

But on the whole, I'm pro-donating. In fact, I think it's a terrible shame that they generally only get to have the unseen, funny-looking innards. I think I have so much more to offer.

I've always been quite keen on my ankles. Hardly ever used, one careful owner. They do come attached to my feet, which I suspect is par for the course. And Katie's never liked my feet - apparently they remind her of the vampires in The Lost Boys.

It freaks her out when I shout out, "Michael! Michael!" at random intervals.

My shins, they're quite respectable. For reasons I can't quite fathom, they have patches where no leg hair grows. Odd, but it opens up the opportunities for cross-gender recipients, I suppose. You've received someone else's shins, but at least you can go easy on the Immac. Always look on the bright side, I say.

My kidneys and liver? Well, they've had a pretty good work-out so far, so people might want to tread with caution. In fact, I'm almost certain that 'treading' would be counter-productive. My bile gland must be fairly under-used though, as I tend only to watch TV when under the influence of the afore-hinted alcohol.

I've got simply smashing elbows, even if I say so myself. The skin's a little wrinkly, but apparently that can be put to good use in other places. Should the need arise. Use your imagination.

And as for my larynx - people tell me I have a good telephone voice. A little Brummie, I suppose, but that never held Ozzy Osbourne back.

On second thoughts....

5 comments:

Rebecca said...

Okay, I give up. Why do your feet look like the vampires from The Lost Boys?

City Girl said...

Brummie, eh? I just got lost for about 20 minutes in Wikipedia learning about British English accents.

So the man you know with the "cut glass" accent... that would be RP?

fatboyfat said...

rebecca: apparently there's a scene where they're hanging upside-down from a bridge. I tend to zone out when it's on.

city girl: correct, although he was born in Manchester (think Liam Gallagher). It's a long story.

Tom said...

I've never particularly liked my knees, how are yours? Can I put an order in now? How about a trade? It was said about me as a child that I had a perfect head and I don't happen to be using it just now...

Le laquet said...

Get out of a tagging ... as they'd say in Solva "Wela'ti nawr bachgen da! Dyna'ti!"

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