I'm due my annual cold. Must be, it's November after all. Every year I have one at about this time, if anything it was slightly overdue.
Yesterday afternoon, despite the application of a Weapons Grade Sunday Roast Lunch (or Dinner), I started going through the motions of a cold. My afternoon was spent gathering together a nice collection of shivers, shot through with coughing fits.
Hold yourselves back ladies, it gets better.
I could only breathe through one nostril. This was not normal, surely? Being able to sniff around corners might be a neat party trick, but it's not exactly a sustainable long-term position. Something quite distressing was falling from the other nostril.
Look, I'm sorry but I did warn you.
After a splendid night spent lying on my non-breathing side staring at my bedside table from a range of three inches, my respiratory system making a wondrous range of noises, I got out of bed this morning. Mainly for the variety, if anything. Annoyingly, I'm not at the 'rather good voice' stage of my cold.
Katie emailed me during the day to inform me that she felt like she was coming down with the same thing. Normally she's all for sharing, but apparently this was an exception. Pardon me for not knowing the rules.
I came home this evening to find out that she'd been to Boots and stocked up. We are going out to the German Market on Friday and a cold is not in her plans. Eating inappropriate sausage-based products and drinking unfeasibly large glasses of beer do feature quite heavily, colds don't. So she showed me what she'd bought to stave off the symptoms.
Oh boy, Mr Cold, welcome to the poo-fight. Are those white trousers you're wearing?
There was Night Nurse. There were sprays. Vitamin-type things that promised something quite positive for the immune system. The European Tissue Mountain. And a hellish amount of Echinacea tablets.
"Those were a little expensive. £13 for the pack. Mind you, we're now OK for Echinacea for the winter."
"I'm sorry, I'm having to process some new concepts quite rapidly. Up until a few seconds ago I was unaware that I had a defined and measurable need for Echinacea."
By all accounts I was being unreasonable. I blame the virus.