Twelve proverbs for modern times

Cut your coat according to the instructions of Gok Wan and you too can end up looking like someone with a ruined coat.

All that glitters is not Gary.

If you sup with the devil, use recipes that don’t involve nuts.  Remember, he has an allergy and you don’t want to have to perform the Heimlich manoeuvre on the Lord of Darkness for a second time.

Out of the frying pan and into the bin.  Sod this for a lark, where’s the menu for Pizza Hut?

It’s a wise child that knows how to change the automatic gearbox on a 1998 Ford Mondeo.  

You can’t make a silk purse out of silk these days without annoying the hell out of those unionised silkworms.

He who hesitates is going to find revolving doors a bit of a challenge.

When the cat’s away the mice will knock the house down and build apartments for retired gerbils.

Don’t count your chickens before they’re mechanically reconstituted by the McDonalds corporation into nuggets of pure evil.

A rolling stone gathers no royalties, due to some fiendish contract signed when they were all whacked off their gourds on the Colombian Marching Powder in the early 70’s.

Love me, love my rather unseemly collection of horse brasses.

The longest journey begins with the thought: “Did I leave the gas on?”