Sunday, 18 November 2007

A long time ago...

The Galactic Senate was still in uproar at its latest sitting today, following a recent revelation of species-ist language and behaviour by one of its most prominent members.

Just prior to last month's Battle of Yavin, it was reported, Princess Leia Organa from Alderaan was heard to utter the words "Will someone get this walking carpet out of my way?" - believed to be a deliberate and pointed reference to Chewbacca, noted Wookiee flight engineer and co-pilot.

"It's just not good enough," commented Bash Meringue, spokesbeing for the Galactic Committee for the Equality of Species. "And quite frankly, I'd expect better behaviour from a so-called Senator. I mean, are we back in the Dark Ages of the 257th century or what?"

Supporters of the Princess have stated that it was a throwaway comment and she was under considerable stress at the time, having not only just seen her adopted planet blown to cinders by the Death Star but also found herself coming under sporadic blaster fire from Imperial Stormtroopers.

"But it's not just Leia," retorted Meringue. "There's no doubt that Wookiees the galaxy over have suffered from negative stereotyping ever since they left their home planet of Kashyyyk. It's all 'Let the Wookiee win' and 'Where are you going with this - thing?' People don't realise that the Wookiee are a noble species, much taken with art and culture. They almost never pull off limbs these days, and only then when provoked - that's such an unfair accusation to level at them."

Meringue cites the Imperial fleet's decision to use mercenary bounty hunters of all species as an example of how to ensure equality and diversity were considered in all employment contracts. "You may not agree with their aims for galactic dominion and promotion of the Dark Side. But at least they're showing an inclusive attitude."

Attempts to reach the Princess herself were initially fruitless. However, reporters from the Coruscant Shopper managed to put in a call to her, at her stronghold on the ice-world of Hoth.

"This has all been blown up out of all proportion. Look, we've got a galaxy-wide civil war to fight, here. Can't we concentrate on the real issues? I've got Imperial probes sniffing around the base, battlecruisers coming out of warp right around the corner, and I'm freezing my earmuffs off."

Rumours that Leia's close personal friend, Commander Luke Skywalker, had escaped death were firmly rebutted. "He spent last night sheltering for warmth in the recently-dead body of a Taun-Taun. The smell's awful, and it's done his recurring complexion problem no favours, either."

Perhaps we should leave the last word to the Wookiee at the centre of this recent firestorm:

"WWRROOAARRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH."

3 comments:

Tom said...

I honestly don't even know what to say to this.

I laughed, I cried, I stared in puzzlement.

City Girl said...

LOL! Feeling much better I see - Excellent!

Le laquet said...

The force is far reaching in this one! Thanks for the laugh ~ it was much welcome on this a shitty Monday :o)

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