Wednesday, 5 November 2008

Everybody, after me: "Oooooh. Aaaaah."

It's that time of year again, when we celebrate a failed terrorist attempt to blow up the seat of Government over 400 years ago. And we use tons of high explosive to mark the anniversary.

We're funny that way.

The latest developments in Web 2.0 mean that I can now bring you all of the Bonfire Night experience through your computer screen. I know, amazing isn't it? Try to contain your excitement if you can.

Right. Can everyone stand back a bit, please? Thank you. We're about to set the bonfire alight, and after soaking it with several gallons of red diesel over the course of the last 20 minutes, it might be a little unpredictable.


No harm done. Anyway - I've never believed that eyebrows were truly necessary in this day and age. Really, I'm hardly surprised. Although you'd not be able to tell, now, would you?

Yes, the Guy is wearing a shellsuit. Doesn't the man made fibre give off an interesting glow? I wouldn't breathe in too deeply, if I were you. Now for some fireworks. First, the Venus Rockets.

Woooh. That was very impressive, wasn't it? Yes, I suspect, if you want to get all technical about it, it probably was meant to go vertical. Still, I've never much cared for that fence.

Anyone for sparklers? Lovely. Oh. Well - look on the bright side. With your fingertips now a mass of scar tissue, this is the perfect time to take up domestic burglary as a career, isn't it?

Right, now for the next firework. Let me see what's in the box...OK....well, that's interesting. You're right, it does seem a little industrial, doesn't it? Indeed, Hans Blix would have got excited about it. Bought from a bloke in a white transit van, you say?

What could possibly go wrong?

Well. That's done the baked potatoes no good at all.

1 comment:

Rebecca said...

I bought a bunch of fireworks back in July just so I could celebrate the election (obviously, they would only be used if Obama won). The first two I lit turned out to be duds. The rest are still sitting in the bag. Poop.

Fireworks be touchy.


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