From sea to shining sea

I still don't quite know how it happened. What started as some bloke sitting on his sofa to document his weight-loss programme in a blog has ended up being popular in all types of places across the planet.

Including a whole bunch of people who are right now scratching their heads on the spelling of 'programme' in that last sentence.

And I have proof. Look here:


Just when we thought we'd seen enough colour-coded maps of the States in recent weeks, too. This tells me the whereabouts of visitors over the last month. The darker the green, the more people from that state who've been here.

Wowsers. There are people in Alaska who've read this nonsense! Surely they're all too busy watching out for Russians trying to nick the milk from their doorsteps?

You'll have noticed, however, some white bits. There are whole states that have never experienced the unalloyed delight of my witterings. Whole stretches of America that have yet to encounter the Lard. Or, indeed, to Make it History.

People of America, this is where you can help. (And those of you from the Rest of the World, who were about to bugger off to BoingBoing, you can help too). Do you know anyone living in what we will for the moment call 'The Lardless States'? Those poor, benighted places on the map above that are pearly white in all their shame?

Get on the phone. Drop them an email. Use carrier pigeon if it'll help. And get them to visit. They don't have to kick their shoes off. They'll be welcome. We have tea. I barely ever mention Boston Harbour. Look, it's Thanksgiving Day today - what else could be more fitting than to speak to your long-lost cousins over the state line? "Good to speak to you, cuz- we must do this again soon. Oh, and by the way, could you visit this strange British guy's blog?"

And it does work. I did this on a global basis last year and I now have a power base in New Zealand, thanks to some premium-quality blog-pimping by le Laquet. Well, 'power base' is perhaps stretching it a bit, but you get the gist.

We can unite America. Think about it. One nation puzzled by one blog. We can do this, folks.

Yes we ca....oh, that's been used, hasn't it?