Tuesday, 25 November 2008

Small mercies

That's it. I've had enough.

The news is unremittingly glum. Not a chink of light can be seen. It's so depressing I found myself putting on a Leonard Cohen record for some light relief.

And I've had enough. So tonight I'm making a stand. We need to celebrate things more openly.

At the moment, we only ever celebrate the things we think are worth marking. Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries and the like. Congratulations on your new job. Good luck as you rush headlong into marital bliss.

All of these are big things, and clearly they're worth shouting about. But what about the lesser events? How about the small mercies? Wouldn't it do us wonders - emotionally at least - if we were able to record and celebrate the little victories?

So I've started. And I'm designing greeting cards to help us along the way. Here are the first ones:

You've failed in your career. Your love life has all the frantic activity of a Methodist cheese and wine party. But you've managed to cultivate a beard, all on your own. Celebrate!

After years of emails from Nigerian princes with more money than sense, some that offered drugs whose dramatic effect would have you incapable of running up the stairs to take advantage, plus degrees from "Honest Al's MBA Shop", you finally got one that was selling something you needed. Felicitations!

He's been there for you through thick and thin. It's time to mark the old fella's time with you. Although he's now out of warranty, so keep it modest.

It'll be a millstone around your neck for the next 240 years. But at least for the following month you'll be avoiding snarky letters and phone calls from people called Jason in call centres.

I think we might be onto a winner, people. So if you can think of any small mercies, perhaps we can develop the range a little. Doesn't matter how minor a victory, how banal the achievement. Someone, somewhere, needs a pat on the back. And someone, somewhere else, to pay £1.30 for the privilege of doing the patting. (Note to Hallmark and Clinton cards: this counts as a patent. Don't you be getting smart on me).

So this is where you, the gentle reader, come in. Give me your ideas. What would be worth marking? Put your ideas in the comments. Or, if you're good with graphic packages (I'm looking at you, Dory), send me a jpeg by email - the address is on the top right navigation menu thingy.

Come on people - I'm relying on you. Together we can banish the blues, dispatch the depression, and give glumness the finger.


City Girl said...

Here are a few for Dory to...er...play with:

(friendship) Congratulations on Dumping That Loser - FINALLY!

(office) Our paychecks didn't bounce! The first round is on me!

(love) Your cold sore is healed! *smooch, smooch, smooch* (this can be an annoying "sound" card - maybe with a little Barry White in the background, laid under the kissy sounds)

Le laquet said...

(car wrecks) Celebrate! After all your car survived even if you have whiplash!

(job) Wow! Redundancy is great ... think of all the DIY you have time for now.

and finally beacuse I'm feeling narky this morning

(sex) Congratulations your herpes/crabs/whatever cleared up after only one treatment ~ please DON'T play with that one Dory.

Mike said...

You overspent on the weekly shopping budget - but hey, think of the Nectar Points!

Anonymous said...

I'm on this like stink on...

Well, let's just say, white on rice.


Nancy said...

Congrats on house-breaking your dog!! When is the "carpet replacement" party?


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