And then, on the morning of the day in question, we'll take a look at the house and realise we're living the dream. If the dream in question is a rather surreal one in which you're surrounded by unparalleled mess, that is. The sort where John Peel provides a voice-over.
So, in no particular order, here are the things we found behind the sofa whilst tidying:
- A box marked "important" dating back to 1996 (when we moved in), that clearly wasn't;
- Rolls of Christmas wrapping paper that we (a) find every November and, (b) promptly forget about when we buy new wrapping paper several weeks later;
- The lost village of Brigadoon;
- A superannuated Japanese soldier who was patently unaware World War 2 had ended;
- "Moustache Mellotron," the lost Village People triple concept album from their forgotten progressive period;
- Chargers. For every mobile phone we've ever owned. And several we don't remember ever having;
- A stone tablet with Commandments numbered 11-15. Thousands of years of strife could have been averted if the world had known about: "Thou shalt not act like a pillock";
- An old copy of NME magazine. Apparently mullets are in;
- Dust bunnies that we could hire out to the makers of spaghetti westerns if ever they were running short of tumbleweed;
- Enough spare change in empty whisky bottles to re-float Lehman Brothers; and
- Several back-copies of Ideal Home magazine in pristine condition.